Do nannies get as much credit as they deserve?  

“I’m a single mom now. I find out I’m pregnant again and the prick cheats on me and gives me an STD. FML.”

No, this isn’t a line from a drama crazed episode of “90210”. This is an actual status that recently graced my news feed. I wish I was making this up, but this is how bad things have become in the realm that is Facebook.

I used to be a smart person.  In the workplace, I was the one who had been around the block, knew where the bodies were buried, understood why the client code for Sears was JFF (and could tell a very amusing story about that).  Lines formed by my chair.  I was that girl.  But now I am the new girl in my new workplace and I can't tell my mouse from my breakfast.  It is a lonesome place to be.

Fortunately, I know someone in a similar predicament.  We did not go through unemployment together (she miraculously "in this economy" managed to score a new position before the funding on her current position ran out). But now that we are both Stupid New Girls, we have found an affinity for each other.  Tonight we met for dinner, if for no other reason than so we would not have to fake another meal at our desks "reading the background material" just so we wouldn't have to admit we haven't figured out who to have lunch with.

What a relief we felt clinging to each other across the table, talking about subjects we actually KNOW and UNDERSTAND and most pointedly not writing down every phrase we hear because we don't know what is important to pay attenton to.

How many miles do you have to run on a treadmill to burn off the calories in a glass of red wine?

How long is the train ride from Florence to Rome?

What store has the best deals on iPods?

Where can I watch episodes of “It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia” for free?

These are just a fraction of a few of the things I've recently pondered.  How would you answer any of those questions?  Unless you're some rare from of human being who doesn't have access to the internet these days, I would assume everyone would say the obvious- good old Google.

As a self-appointed ambassador of the Netflix experience, I must implore you: Flip your discs. You are not getting your money's worth.

My informal polling shows much of the problem stems from single-spouse domination of the queue. This is not a male/female issue; you know who you are.

She uses up precious queue space with "Get Fit Fast," which somehow never sees the inside of the machine. He discovers the entire Dr Who series and loads every one.

He can not comprehend flipping an unwatched (perhaps unOPENED [ I gasp ] ) disc despite having paid for it 3 months over. She discovers the entire Land Before Time series and loads every one for the kids. (Really, after #1, Land Before Time becomes a merchandising vehicle. Don't ask how I know).

He likes bitchy cable network comedies; he likes soft-core porn.

She likes 70s foreign films featuring fields of wheat; she likes 70s sit-coms.

So here's the secret, in 2 steps.

Step 1: Up your membership to the 4 level. It is only a few dollars more than 3-per-month, and you are already losing money on that. Four per month gives each of you 2 films and sets you up for...

If you don't recount your family history, it will be lost. Honor your own stories and tell them too. The tales may not seem very important, but they are what binds families and makes each of us who we are. "                              -Madeleine L’Engle 

Unprecedented amounts of pasta and meatballs. Bottles of wine flowing freely by noon. People screaming over each other.  Hands flying all over the place when someone finally gets loud enough to tell a story.

These are sure tell-tale signs of one thing...an Italian family reunion.

In my 24 years of life, not once had I ever been interested in attending one of these vibrant get togethers.  Nursing a hangover on a Sunday, or shopping sprees with my friends seemed like far more important endeavors then sitting around with a bunch of old guidos and distant cousins speaking broken English. I hadn't been close with my family over the years, so what was the point anyways? Listen to them drone on about people I never knew? I could sit at the mall and interview random strangers if I really wanted to do that.  And forget about the spaghetti Grandma, I'm trying to watch my weight!

Is there anything more stereotypical than a bunch of New Englanders standing around comparing how they got here from wherever they were?  We can't help it.  It is vital information.  More than just an ice breaker (though it does that too) "How'd ya come?" can be a real difference in quality of life -- especially when the weather turns, or there is a breakdown, or a Sox game, or Fourth of July, or understaffed tolls, or any number of other "Accidents and Obstacles" that keep us from getting where we are going.  No one is ever too proud to get a good tip on a turnoff.

I recently accepted a job offer in spite of the fact that the response from everyone who asked "where is it?" (and everyone asked) was a tsking noise followed by a grunt.  Then came the game to beat that commute.  It is the sort of scheme Seinfeld's Kramer and Newman might have worked over, with charts and graphs, except that being New Yorkers, they needn't have bothered.

I’ve been known to be a little judgmental.

It’s just one of the many book titles I’m laying claim to in the innards of my brain:  “I’m Just Saying What You’re Really Thinking.”  Shrug. 

So it’s actually with great irony that I must report how very publicly I myself was judged this weekend.

It came from a twenty-something waitress as she collected menus following our drink and app order.  We innocently asked for confirmation about the live music scheduled for later in the evening.

She glanced around our table and suggested that we might want to leave before the band arrived.

Excuse me?

“Well….they’re a little……” her voice trailed off.

Wanted to take a moment to turn you on to the Virginia Thurston Healing Garden in Harvard , MA -- an affordable source of holistic services and support programs for women with cancer.  One hour from Boston, 30 mins from Worcester.  Stop by their website, linked below, to learn more about their program, and pass this resource along to those you know who can make best use of it.

If you do not have such a woman in your life, please give generously.  You are truly blessed.

The Virginia Thurston Healing Garden: a healing environment for those experiencing breast cancer

 today's category: Crazy Things the Focus Group Said

Skittles should come in ice cream flavors

I'm so lazy I need my PB&J to be pre-made and frozen

We have no interest in standardizing car doors

What if everything was dispensed as a strip? No, a wipe! or a strip. Ok, a strip.

Oo, yeh, make it really expensive. But it only brews one cup at a time

Well, in my house, it's just the kids and all the toilet paper they use. What can you do about that?

I wish the TV Guide were bigger

I wish my cookies were smaller

We will buy anything served by a woman with big boobs. Or just boobs.

Put chicken nuggets on corn, on potatoes, and cover the whole thing in gravy and cheese. We would totally eat that.

I had a catch up-coffee yesterday with this funny woman in media that I hadn't seen in a while. And we were talking about all kinds of interesting things when we landed on something intriguing that I haven't been able to shake. She said that Southern women have a problem with telling people exactly how we feel because (due to the culture that is passed down through the generations) we were taught to avoid conflict, to "sugar coat" things and to not always talk straight. Basically we stuff down our real feelings so as to not come across as impolite.

Being a southern woman herself, she realized that she had always been like this...that is, until she took a job working with a lot of Greek men. She has decided it is the best thing that could've ever happened to her. Now instead of sugar coating, she tells it like it is. Since she's adopted their ways, her family and friends think she's a little harsher than she was, but she gets her point across and says what she means and she doesn't feel guilty about it.

So what does that have to do with the Fruitcake Lady from The Tonight Show? Well, I have decided that Greek Men and the Fruitcake Lady (who sounds like she's got a southern drawl btw) are my two new role models. I am going to work towards being a straight talkin' new me.

Ever get tired of thinking about your own life? I do. And often.  So what do I do? I read.  I don't know what'd I do without books.  They make me feel SO much better because most of the time, they're about people with bigger problems than me.

Okay, that sounds selfish. And it totally is.  But who cares? I read mostly fiction anyway. But I often think, "Wow, I'm glad my life ain't this funky."  So many times, people can forget how great books can be. What a wonderful distraction from life, stress, and problems.  Also, there's no better source of inspiration.  It also makes me feel like I'm doing something more worthwhile than just watching TV or scouring the internet (but I do those things too).  

But if I'm feeling down about love, I'll read a good chic novel like "Good in Bed" or "Time of My Life."  If I really want to study good prose, I'll read Murakami.   If I want to get caught up in a good mystery, I'll read Richard Price. There's a novel for everything you want to feel better about really.

When I look at the writers that have written like a ton of books like Paul Auster, it gets me thinking, I need to get off my ass and just start writing. Which I'll do. As soon as I'm done this blog post.

The cool new thing I am endorsing this week is A Place Between us (http://a.placebetween.us/) an online map tool that calculates, and recommends, that meeting place for people in separate locations.  There are a few of these tools -- even Google maps can help with this -- but I am endorsing A Place Between for a couple of key features:

1) Multiple participants can be accommodated. 

With Google, I tend to map from A to B, then eyeball the city/town that seems equidistant, and this works all right.  But when there are more than 2 of us, I am in over my head.  This site takes any number and tries to find the best meeting spot, even if not necessarily the same distance drive for each party.

2) Human override

If the tool chooses something silly, like the Veteran's Cemetary, you can drag the marker balloon to somewhere else and it will make new recommendations, based on...

3) Your choice of meeting spot

I have no idea why I can't adjust my inspiration clock.  I find it almost impossible to write during the day.  Maybe it's the sunshine thing. It makes me feel like I shouldn't be sitting at a computer, plugging away at work.  Or maybe it's because I come up with random excuses to avoid working.

But I think it's just because I've always written at night.  There's something about being up when everyone else is sleeping. You feel completely alone in the world and it's peaceful. Okay, that sounds a bit morbid, but I just feel like I'm alone in my mind and in my work. I can write whatever I want, just let go because no one is watching. Although this is a moot point at the moment since I work from home.

I am able to write when I roll out of bed and do NOTHING else.  If I can go straight to my computer, turn it on and start typing, I can start writing.  This will only last a bit of time as by the time I wake up, I normally want to eat or run or watch TV for a little bit before I stare blankly at my computer for a little bit and then surf the internet.

Maybe it's because, during the day, I know people are still awake, still out there to talk to and chat with. Still out there to distract me from whatever work I don't feel like doing. But if I'm honest with myself, everything is a distraction.